Saturday, 19 March 2011

The Crying Game

John decided to talk books with me for the first 10mins of our session yesterday so I got away with having to do the imaging...I have told him that I dred doing it and he knows that but I also know that it is a vital part of the treatment.

John is very interested, as a Psychologist, in the process that Art can have with mental illness. He is interested in my love of books that are a bit 'dark'. And then there is the fact that I write quite raw poetry (or whatever you wish to call it).

I have not cried for over 10 years and John has asked me to list Films/Theatre that has made me cry...he believes that I may be able to use those moments to make me cry...I am not quite sure why it is so important that I do cry but I am told it is quite useful. (during this convo John said that he thought modern art was bullshit and that lots of people are being fooled...ha ha..kudos!)

I gave him some examples....I saw Midnight Cowboy when I was quite young and the ending chokes me even now. It doesn't make me cry anymore but he is interested to know what it is about that one scene that gets to me. What is it in the characters that made me care. I will not say what the ending is in case you have never seen it...if you haven't then do because its my favorite film ever.

Theatre still remains the one art form that really moves is hard to bring these elements into 'real' life but both are reflections of real life. I am a Cinema snob...I admit it! If you do not learn something from what you are watching there is little point in seeing it...this is my mantra. Books, Films and Theatre are my comfort in this cut off life I live from human contact. They are my lovers.

After my session I went to see a lawyer for some advice and I have been given some useful language. She was interested in my 'social isolation' and has given me some pointers. She works in the field of mental health advice so she is not a 'money grabber'. They set up a group that is charity funded and these people are amazing. It does help to go and talk to someone outside the 'health care' loop....

Things are going OK right now..I had my little storm last week and it passed over. Depression is like that and its a question of trying to remember that it will go as the black dog barks again.

T A Roberts (London March 2011)

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