Monday, 3 November 2014

Nearly 50.

I've been treated for chronic depression for 20 years now. I've gone almost a year without a serious episode but I can't take that for granted. The black dog tends to bite when you least expect but I'm more confident I can fight it off now that I have the tools.

I've lost some quality years because of it but I'm not at all phased at becoming 50 at Xmas. In fact I see it as an opportunity to kill off two dark decades. I only see John every two months now and I continue to try to embrace mindfulness when I feel the need.

I do have some regrets. The way my depression has dictated my personal relationships. The way I've treated people because of it. It's not something I had any control over at the time but I still regret it or become angry because it has cost me so much in terms of experiences and friendships.

I view life differently now and hopefully I'm a better person to be around. One day I will try and do chronic depression some credit and hopefully be able to help others who suffer. This is difficult because it is such a personal experience.

I have found twitter has helped me. Not in some deluded way. I know the limitations and falseness of social media. It has given me a voice though and many amazing things have come from it. I've always been happy to speak of my depression on twitter despite it being such a public platform. I've experienced mainly positive feedback for being open about it as well as some nasty comments but as in life as on social media.

Once I cared what folk thought of me. Now I don't. I enjoy the banter, good or bad.

Anyway this was just a brief check in to say everything is ok and I continue to fight it and survive it.

I've always appreciated the feedback and I'm always around for anyone out there suffering.

Tim - London - 2014