Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Twitter and my Mental Health - Social Media No More

You will be well aware that most of my adult life has been blighted by chronic depression. At times it has been stronger than other times, to the point that in 1999 I had 12 courses of ECT Treatment – known to the commoner as electric shock treatment. Not pleasant. 

Over the past couple of weeks I have had a really bad episode. When it’s bad I tend to get suicide ideation which is not good. It’s a very dark desolate place, particularly when you are on your own day after day and night etc. During the past two weeks I haven’t spoken or had any contact with anyone ....not through choice. It’s just that I don’t know anyone. At just 50 I am isolated like an elderly person. This happens a lot in London when you reach a certain age and you have no family around you.

This brings me to Twitter and why I used this platform. It was to communicate – to end the silence I live in at times. To express myself. To have an opinion. To grow the confidence I have never had in the real world. To be creative. To take me out of the desolation and isolation. I started Pinter Quotes as a small hobby. It grew a bit.

Sadly my Twitter activity cost me my job back in August and this pleased many people. They said I had it coming to me. Maybe they are right.

I have learnt over the past two months that I really am operating solo in this world and that no amount of activity on social media will solve this or make it better. In fact it makes it worse. You convince yourself that you have all these people who will back you up when the shit hits the fan but the truth is they don’t – and it is very daft to think they will. I have been sent to Coventry by an industry that I have worked in since I was 16. 34 years ago!

Let’s not beat about the bush – I was treated appallingly by my former employers. It was disgusting. The manager who led this campaign against me is a sorry shit of a human being. Her little power trip has cost me more than my job but it hasn't cost me my pride which is why I walked out. I would not have been able to live with myself if I had stayed.I was bullied by the corporate fascists.

Is'n't an irony that Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber (I worked for his company) used Twitter for his snivelling statement as to why he was in the Lords to vote for the attack on the poorly paid - it just so happened that he flew in from the USA to do some work on Cats - yeah right - but it just so happened that he was able to vote for an end to tax credits for the poor. His PR monkey was happy to use Twitter to get the statement out but poorly paid workers like me are intimidated away from social media. My chronic depression may have me on the floor right now but I can still see and read. 

But obviously my mental health has taken a battering over the past two months – no one will give me a job – I actually feel like I committed some unspeakable crime when all I did was was exercise my right to free speech.

I would rather be me than the stuck up cow that set out to have me fired just for tweeting – I would rather be a free speaker than be a corporate fascist with her tongue up the management arse. It’s this that saves me – I know I am right and free to speak my mind and being away from Twitter has reminded me I don’t need it to do it. Social Media is now loaded with media wankers  ponces who want to dictate the narrative. It has employers spying on their employees. The cowards. Gutless cowards. 

So I am going to carry on doing what I do. Being honest with myself. Telling the truth. But just not on social media. Because you can’t. They won. The right wing bastards won.

I might not be able to find a job but I would much rather starve than compromise my belief system.

I have to address the ridiculous isolation I find myself in. The silence is really noisy at times.  

End of.

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